Recently, Brittany Wong wrote an article in the Huffington Post titled: 6 Things Men Complain About In Marriage Counseling. It’s an interesting insight on some of the problems that couples face, and if carefully examined can help you form a plan to keep your marriage happy and lessen your need for extensive marriage counseling near you.
Below, we break down some of what that article addresses and what can be done to mitigate these complaints:
1.) “My wife expects me to be a mind reader.” We all know the stereotype, right? The wife sends signals and ‘hints’ for things she’s like/need, and the poor clueless husband doesn’t pick up on any of them. It’s the stuff of TV trope, and has filled countless sitcoms. The bottom line with this complaint is that communication isn’t happening on the same level. Yes, your partner should be attuned to your feelings, but you should also understand their limitations and be prepared to communicate in a way that accommodates them. A happy marriage is full of communication on levels that both partners can understand. When in doubt, be direct with your wants and needs.
2.) Late night arguments/arguments are ‘sprung’ on them. While there’s never an ideal time to have a hard discussion, it’s NOT helpful to have it when your partner is sleepy, busy, or otherwise preoccupied. Make time to talk to eachother over dinner or at some time when you both have a moment to breathe- we know it’s difficult to carve out time in a fast paced world, but it’s essential to MAKE time to talk. Also, to avoid accusations or feelings of issues being “sprung” on them, it helps to start discussions early and often- don’t let your feelings “bottle up” and burst.
3.) “She doesn’t appreciate me.” If you’ve ever had the thought that if you show appreciation for your significant other that they’ll stop trying to please you, erase it from your list of fears. An attitude of gratitude for the small, big, and everything in between that your partner does will go a long way toward securing the relationship. Shockingly, this is often the number 1 reason men list as to why they cheat- ranking above having a lackluster sex life. Both partners in a relationship should make a conscious effort to affirm and appreciate the reasons they care about their partner.
4.) “She doesn’t back me up when I discipline the kids”. Parenting is hard enough as is, and is doubly taxing when your partner is working against you. If you find that you’re regularly on different pages when it comes to parenting style, we highly recommend seeking marriage and family counseling – our therapists can help find a happy middle ground and provide you with a framework to get on the same page when it comes to parenting your children.
5.) Lack of intimacy. As the years march on, it’s normal for the passion to wane a bit- however, care must be taken to not fall into a slump where your love life turns more into a platonic cohabitation. The article recommends splitting chores to increase the potential for intimacy- we say that should already be a priority beyond concerns for intimacy. Instead, focus on making your spouse feel desired and attractive, and fostering moments where you can have intimacy. One simple tip: start a date night, even if it’s only once per month.
6.) “Our marriage is no longer a priority for her.” We’ve already written about how it’s important to maintain and put work into your marriage, and we recommend that every couple seriously consider marriage counseling for a sort of preventative maintenance. Life is hectic, and sometimes marriage takes a back seat to kids, work, finances, and other stressors. However, that shouldn’t be the case. Your marriage can and should be the foundation of your happy life, and should be your safe place. Keep it and your partner as a high priority to stay on the path of marital bliss.
If you see any of these complaints are being a valid issue in your marriage, never fear- help is a phone call away! Call us to make an appointment to speak to our of our licensed, professional therapists to start getting your marriage back on track.